How to Strengthen Your Relationship with Your GC
Relationships are a lot of work and take time and patience from all involved. Intended Parents and their Gestational Carrier have one of the more special relationships; they are creating life together and this process can involve many ins and outs and a bond like no other.
It is important to establish a good relationship as this journey will go by quickly. A surrogacy relationship requires a great amount of trust. Knowing your surrogate, asking her questions and communicating often will help to build that trust. It’s wonderful to know what she likes, her preferences, joys, frustrations and just plain what’s going on in her life. She has given a lot to go on this journey, and showing her that you care about her, and not just the baby she is nurturing for you, is important. This will also help you know her in order to trust her with the decisions she has to make, even when you are not around.
Using an agency is a great idea; it can put a huge strain on the relationship when there is no one helping the IPs and GCs do everything that needs to get done. An agency can be the 3rd party middle man, seeing both sides of the situation. An agency can also help with all the appointments, processes and to just be a listening ear. Most importantly they handle anything related to the discussion of money. Money is a huge stressor to begin with and adding all the ins and outs of surrogacy, it becomes an even bigger stressor. Letting the agency handle those discussions and being the go-between can save a lot of heartache and resentment on both sides. If you do decide on an independent match, both the IPs and the GC (and her spouse) need their own separate lawyers, and it’s vitally important that an independent escrow account is established.
Many times, coming to the decision to use a surrogate has come from great turmoil and loss. No one should have to experience that. There will be tough times that will bring up hurt feeling, or emotions that you thought had been dealt with already. Typically, the GCs journey has been very different. She may not understand your journey completely, but she does want to help create a positive end to that long road you have already been on.
Almost all of the women who are surrogates are doing this for the same goal as the IPs. To create a baby and build a family; a beautiful and healthy baby is what everyone wants. In any relationship there are bumps in the road. Staying positive is not always easy; however, negativity only leads to anger. Staying positive can only help in building the relationship, as well as the health and wellness of your surrogate and the baby she is growing inside.