Dear Scholastic Surrogate: Relationship Between Surrogate and Baby

Dear Scholastic Surrogate: My husband and I have been trying for four years to have a baby but we’ve had no luck. Our reproductive endocrinologist has recommended that we use a gestational carrier. I don’t know a lot about how this process works. Will the baby look like our surrogate? -Lots of Questions

Hi, Lots of Questions- It’s okay to have questions about the process, especially since you’re new to it! First of all, welcome to the world of surrogacy. It’s a big decision, and not one that is ever anyone’s first choice, but a great option for those that need it! Secondly, to answer your question, no, your baby will not look like your surrogate. Since you are using gestational carrier, the sperm will come from your husband (or a donor) and the egg will come from you (or a donor). No part of the surrogate is used to make the baby. She carries the baby, but they do not share genetic makeup. So unless you happen to be using one of your sisters or cousins or some other blood relative to carry the baby and they already share DNA in that way, there’s no chance the baby will look like the surrogate.

Dear Scholastic Surrogate: I’m thinking about surrogacy but I’m really scared about what some people are telling me. My friend was telling me that she heard about a surrogate who decided to keep the baby after it was born so the parents were left with no baby. Is that true? Can the surrogate keep the baby? -Scared

Dear Scared- That is a terrifying thought. After going through so much with trying to have a baby only to have a surrogate keep it? That would be awful. Fortunately…it’s just not true. In the case of gestational surrogacy, the baby is not even genetically related to the surrogate. In addition, there are legal contracts signed prior to the birth and a pre-birth order is applied for once the gestational carrier is pregnant where the court affirms the Intended Parents’ status. So upon birth, in New Mexico and many like-minded states, the surrogate has absolutely no parental rights whatsoever and is not ever even on the birth certificate. So don’t let that fear stop you from exploring the option of surrogacy!

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